To forgive is to remove bitterness and create more space for love, gentleness and kindness.

Has anybody hurt you or insulted you? Yes,all of us get hurt many times because of harsh words.Especially you get hurt more if that somebody is close to you or in relation.This is natural.However,how long should we keep brooding over it?

Best thing is to forget about it.However it is very difficult to forget and forgive.

Children forget hard incidences and adjust with current happy situations quickly. Observe the child of 2-3 years playing with her favourite toy. Take away the toy from the child. She gets angry,cries at the top of the voice and throws tantrums.

Clearly she is very angry.Her face looks red.Now give her another new toy.The smile appears on the face.She starts playing immediately.We all have ability to say ‘let it go’, forget the hurting event and move with life.However,when we grow, we lose this ability.  So how do we develop this ability to forgive?

Look beyond the incidence

Marriage counselors have found that the most common reason for the rift between the couples is that they are not ready to forget and forgive.

On small incidences they fight.Wife recalls all the past, surprisingly with dates and details to narrate how her mother in law was sarcastic and taunted her every now and then.The husband bounces back equally in split second,telling how she has distanced many of his friends or foiled his plans for watching his favorite game.If both of them learn to leave the past behind and focus on the current opportunities,surely they will live happy and better life, like the child with new toy.

Seperate the episode from the person:

I know Suhas and his wife Sudha.They are a middle aged couple in Mumbai.

Once Suhas took a call that came for Sudha as she was in the bathroom. Incidentally he saw messages on her phone from a third person.He went on further to read all the chat and realised that their relation had progressed much beyond friendship.

Suhas seriously got hurt.He loved her so much.He was cheated.Thought of separation made him restless. Separation would have devastated his 16 year old daughter too. Having lost everything,he asked me as an elderly person, “what shall I do?”

I suggested ,he should ask her directly without being judgemental, with love and trust.Look at what good she has done for you and your family. Separate this episode from her whole past.

When he talked to her with a cool mindset and gave her confidence that he still loves her equally,she admitted that she got swayed in the lighter mood and crossed the decent limits of conversation.

Forgive based on higher purpose:

Taking the above case forward,“ Forgiving this is very difficult’,said Suhas.

I asked him, “ Do you really love her equally?Does she love you and your daughter equally?” He nodded with affirmation.

I asked,” What is the higher purpose ? Love or incidence?”

“ Of course love”, he replied.Suhas must forgive her based on higher purpose.

Drop the Load:

We all know that mountaineers and hikers are ready to spend a lot more money for lightweight sacks,equipment and ropes. Long distance cyclists pay huge money for light weight cycles.They want to drop the load even at high price.

In our lives,we carry a huge load of  what ‘others’ think about us, conflicts,rifts and expectations !

We all carry this load,throughout our lives.We get bowed under this load.Drop it !

Let the people and things be there what they are.Let us stand firmly and live positively.Let us love ourselves and be happy where we are.

The famous song from the movie ‘Frozen’ says,

“Let it go, let it go

And I’ll rise like the break of dawn

That perfect girl is gone

Here I stand in the light of day

Let the storm rage on

The cold never bothered me anyway

Let it go, let it go

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